On Twitter:

Ben Schwartz

Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers
Comedy Writer
http://twitter.com/rejectedjokes
http://www.rejectedjokes.com

rejectedjokes Santa doesn't come down the chimney. Parents just say that so kids don't question why he always smells like smoke.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes NO! SLEEP! TILL! EARLY EVENING! #firstdraftlyrics
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes On St. Patrick's Day O'Douls hides a little bit of alcohol in every fifth bottle!
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes I just realized that Waldo is homeless.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Said "fucking subways" way too soon. #earthquake
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Due to the earthquake, for the 1st time since I was 5, I have this fear that the boogeyman is waiting outside my door.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes No magician has ever used the phrase "This is where the magic happens" metaphorically.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes "Well then don't call it EASTER ISLAND!!!" said the man who returned with no chocolate or bunnies.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Heres the amazing full lineup from Night of #140tweets http://tinyurl.com/yfklwag We're still looking for our next gig.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Saw a 4 year old kid fly a kite this morning. Was unbelievably cute until I realized the kite had a swastika on it.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes As @WinstonChurchil l said, You want to change the world? Get naked, cup your balls and reference @alyankovic #140tweets
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes May just RT this for #140tweets- RT@iamdiddy Congrats to my man Rich on his 10th anniversary for his Barbershop. http://twitpic.com/18809s
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Will be doing a tight 15 seconds at Night of #140tweets tonight! Sorry LinkedIn Show at Phil's Chuckle Den.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes If everyone hung Dreamcatchers above their beds, Freddy Krueger would be powerless.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes American Idol contestants, look on the balcony...are your parents there? You're in trouble.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Dilbert's life has been awful since the recession. He cant even hang himself by his own tie because it curves upwards.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Just to be clear, Superman can't have sex, right? I'm assuming that's where the phrase "I'd rip you in half" comes from.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Was your father a thief? Because your look and demeanor exhibits a terrible upbringing. #wrongpickuplines
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes Helping Your Dates #1- Going into a date wearing a "You can do better" t-shirt doesn't come across ironic.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes RT @VSchn31d3r : What it do nephew! Join the I Heart Jean-Ralphio fan club: http://bit.ly/a8FQdo #parksandrec Amazing
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes I wanted Lee Daniels to win so he would smile for the first time.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes If you would like your movie danced to mail us at John Seymour Middle School "Zesty Feet" Dancers, Shelmon, Idaho!!!
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes I want to see a porno scored by Danny Elfman.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes @mindykaling we'd have to double check with @wittels , @katiedippold and @kentremendous but I assume JRalphio is based on Roald Dahl.
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
rejectedjokes The return of Jean-Ralphio on Parks and Rec. I love this show deeply- http://tinyurl.com/ralphio2
by Ben Schwartz, Freelance writer for Weekend Update, creator of Bronx World Travellers, Comedy Writer
Kevin Smith
Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks
1665459 followers
follow
Michael Ian Black
Cast member of The State, Stella and Michael and Michael Have Issues
1560141 followers
follow
Stephen Fry
Popular British writer and actor
1388759 followers
follow
Paul Feig
writer and producer of The Office, Creator of Freaks and Geeks
1162508 followers
follow
Mindy Kaling
Writer/actor for The Office
1153704 followers
follow
John Cleese
Monty Python actor and writer
370810 followers
follow
Diablo Cody
Screenwriter most known for "Juno"
142523 followers
follow
Seth Meyers
Current head writer and actor for Saturday Night Live
96165 followers
follow
Rob Huebel
Part of the sketch team Human Giant.
59991 followers
follow
Jason Segel
Wrote and starred in Forgetting Sarah Marshall
46622 followers
follow

View all

Trending on EasyLOL

#sarahsilvermanprogram
Tweets
March Madness
Andy Samberg
Friends On Facebook
Man's Plea For Help
Alex Chilton
Hudson
Jerry
Keller

Latest Links

More