Dave Hill
New York-based writer and comedian
I am a comedian, writer, musician, actor, and highly-boneable public figure who would like to come over your house. 私はあなたが好きです。
Comedy Writer
http://twitter.com/mrdavehill
http://www.davehillonline.com
5472 followers
7093 tweets
mrdavehill
I like this because it reflects my personality: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbHU8qOy2c4
mrdavehill
Thursday at 8pm at UCB, not a dry seat in the house: http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/2152
mrdavehill
Customs never told me why I was detained today. Was there anything about it on CNN?
mrdavehill
Some dumb baby kept crying on the plane. His mother should have breastfed him. If I'm gonna put up with crying, I deserve to see some tits.
mrdavehill
And another thing- f#%k wraps in general. They are bullshit and everyone knows it.
mrdavehill
I already hate the dude next to me on this plane. Talking on his phone, touching my arm, and eating a wrap. Three strikes. Soon he dies.
mrdavehill
Happy Birthday to @joegarden ! Okay, gotta get back to this paper mâché. Shhh! Don't tell him!
mrdavehill
Missed my connecting flight in Houston because of the customs shakedown. Now I am yelling "Houston we have a problem!" which is always funny
mrdavehill
Guy in line covered in tattoos and wearing a sleeveless t-shirt keeps looking around like he doesn't want people looking at his tats, dude.
mrdavehill
I was just detained by customs. I know a lot of my outfits are just plain illegal, but this is ridiculous.
mrdavehill
Guy in line at customs is chomping on an unlit cigar. How do I tell him he is into dicks?
mrdavehill
The line for customs is backed up really badly. So am I.
mrdavehill
The customs lady keeps yelling about semen. Not sure how she's spelling it though.
mrdavehill
I've said it before and I'll say it again- non-cutoff jean shorts for men are the ultimate surrender.
mrdavehill
It's weird to no longer be at sea. I will the blue waters, clear sky, & fresh air. But perhaps most of all I will miss all that hot f$#king.
mrdavehill
This is me just moments before being attacked by a pelican in Puerto Vallarta. Documentation by @HalSparks : http://tweetphoto.com/13901093
mrdavehill
No, really, come to my show tomorrow at UCB NYC: http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/2152
mrdavehill
I was just covered in algae and shocked with electrodes at a spa on this boat. There was no bad touching though, no matter how much I asked.
mrdavehill
Trying to find a University of Corona sweatshirt here in Mexico but so far coming up empty. This trip is ruined!
mrdavehill
Now we are at the Italian Coffee Company in Mexico! It is now that I have seen everything: http://tweetphoto.com/13833584
mrdavehill
I am not "getting" the "money" here in "Mexico."
mrdavehill
Someone threw a big rock into the water. Now everything is ruined: http://tweetphoto.com/13822023
mrdavehill
I am eating stuff with @HalSparks and we are twitpicing each other so the Internet will explode: http://tweetphoto.com/13818457
mrdavehill
Mexico!!: http://tweetphoto.com/13807009
mrdavehill
About to totally walk into Mazatlan with @HalSparks . It is going to be Mexcellent. But first, playing shuffleboard with @Maddow for money!!
