Joe Schmitt
Shorty Awards Runner-up for humor
the second T is silent
Web Comedian
http://twitter.com/joeschmitt
http://joeschmitt.tumblr.com/post/143209840/joeschmitt
5997 followers
7963 tweets
joeschmitt
Mary Ray was 114. Daisey Bailey was 113. Clearly, America's outdated health care system failed them: http://tumblr.com/xa47a2695
joeschmitt
"Dear Forbes: I've read things like this, but I never thought that it would happen to me..." http://tumblr.com/xa479zi5s
joeschmitt
Health care reform: When 2 of 3 oldest Americans die on the same day, change is necessary: http://bit.ly/ditDoF
joeschmitt
This is an issue near and dear to my heart: http://tumblr.com/xsb79ii2t I hope my coworkers read this. Also everyone on the Brown Line.
joeschmitt
If Lindsay Lohan wins her suit, I'm suing everyone who appears to be wearing a hat for copying me. You were warned. http://tr.im/itsnotahat
joeschmitt
I will consider my life a success as long as neither Seth Rogen nor Zack Galafanakis is allowed to audition to play me in the movie.
joeschmitt
Top 5 Things I Actually Did Today (2010-03-09): http://tumblr.com/xa478xhwl
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Can anyone help my brother out with a technical question? http://twitter.com/jvschmitt/status/10238185146
joeschmitt
Red Pump Project founder @LuvvieIG in the Sun-Times http://bit.ly/d58Ae4 and on WGN radio today: http://wgnradio.com/listen
joeschmitt
Good news, everyone! I found the rest of my Girl Scout cookies. You may all resume living your lives now.
joeschmitt
Thrust onstage by Conan, what will she do? - Everyone on Twitter is jealous that Conan O’Brien chose... http://tumblr.com/xa477e60i
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I stand by last night's rant about Hollywood sound mixers. None deserve awards; they all deserve to be shot... http://tumblr.com/xa476ah1l
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Oscar fact: The Oscar trophy is made from an alloy equal parts brass and unobtainium. Or so it appears to James Cameron.
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Everyone on Twitter is jealous that Conan O'Brien chose @lovelybutton to follow, but only @RexHuppke put it in writing: http://tr.im/R43v
joeschmitt
Holy crap! @arjunbasu is tweeting comments,not story: RT Tucci, Sarsgaard and Winfrey = bad law office in suburban strip mall in New Jersey.
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I'm sure The Hurt Locker is good, but I still can't forgive Kathryn Bigelow for Point Break. Worst movie ever!
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Meryl Streep has more Oscar losses than Jim Kelly has Super Bowl losses. What a loser!
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Oh, great! Oprah's going to talk.
joeschmitt
My pick for Tweet of the Day, from @goldengateblond : http://favstar.fm/users/goldengateblond/status/9897392728
joeschmitt
"We have to go through this for the women too? Sigh." - @rondicasmith , about the eternal lead up to the best... http://tumblr.com/xa476cz3n
joeschmitt
Favorite Oscar quote, from the Foreign Language winner: "Thank you to the Academy for not considering Navi a foreign language".
joeschmitt
Whoa! How can they even let Keanu in the building during the Oscars?
joeschmitt
Great! No buffer left on the Oscars so we're stuck sitting through this 70-minute interpretative dance number. Fast forward, damn it!
joeschmitt
Sound mixing? None of these people deserve awards. - They all deserve to be shot! Every fucking movie I’m... http://tumblr.com/xa476ah1l
joeschmitt
Tyler Perry coming up next.
Do we really need him after Monique just won? News flash: there are ACTUAL fat black women who are funny.
