Jim Gaffigan
Big time stand-up with hundreds of thousands of cd and DVD sales
Husband to hot wife, father, comedian, actor, writer, sleeper
Stand-up
http://twitter.com/jimgaffigan
http://jimgaffigan.com/appearances.shtml
254698 followers
1277 tweets
jimgaffigan
Why do we make eating a sushi an activity? “We are going out for sushi"! Well, good luck. I hope you catch some. No one really cares.
jimgaffigan
http://favstar.fm/users/JimGaffigan Greatest hits.
jimgaffigan
Just a heads up. Coughing in someone's mouth while you kiss is apparently not a turn on.
jimgaffigan
You know who's really shallow? This pond in my back yard. It cares nothing about the environment. #thatssilly
jimgaffigan
Next week. Atlantic City (Sold Out) and Myrtle Beach...NE, NYC, Seattle more http://tinyurl.com/6lnykv
jimgaffigan
You ever accidentally catch someone in their underwear? That's awkward. Especially, if you’re holding a knife.
jimgaffigan
I just finished a marathon! Sure, it was a marathon nap but I’m still proud of myself.
jimgaffigan
(cough, cough) What happened? I...I had the wildest dream. You were there...and you....and YOU!
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven And the meaning of life is...wait someone is resuscitating me! Nooooo
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven Colonel Sanders just put his hand on my knee. What should I do?
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven My fake neighbor from suicide joke LOVED the suicide joke.
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven Up here there are SIX seasons of "The Wire"! #OmarBack
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven C.S. Lewis just told me that the spelling and grammar police on twitter work for Satan.
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven Saint Anthony just asked if i had seen his keys.
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven Gandhi just yelled "Hooot pockets!" from across the room . What a dick.
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven Playing backgammon with Lincoln (he's got the WORST breath).
jimgaffigan
#tweetingfromheaven It's amazing up here. 68 degrees and breezy, free burgers and no reality shows!
jimgaffigan
I read so many negative responses about my last joke that I actually killed myself. I hope you're happy now.
jimgaffigan
My neighbor just committed suicide. So weird. I was just talking to him yesterday. I told him no one loved him.
jimgaffigan
Quick question: It's ok to give babies Red Bull, right?
jimgaffigan
Mobile phones are the carbon dating of television shows.
jimgaffigan
Can we make it federal offense to pass gas on an airplane? http://yfrog.com/9geqpj
jimgaffigan
Fajitas are like the Ikea of Mexican food. http://yfrog.com/my7ynj
jimgaffigan
Waiting for my fajitas. I feel like I'm in a Beckett play.
jimgaffigan
Is it insulting that my favorite part of Southern California is the food from the neighboring country?
