Tim Siedell
Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
Web Comedian
http://twitter.com/badbanana
http://badbanana.typepad.com
383079 followers
12630 tweets
badbanana
It's like Air Force One. No bed can officially be called a King bed unless Larry King is on it.
badbanana
"Put your hands in the air like you just don't care" is offensive to those of us in the apathy community. But whatever.
badbanana
If I'm going to be this awake at 2:30 in the morning, I might as well go guard a factory or something.
badbanana
I have an epic idea. Can anyone recommend some ultra-powerful sorcerers willing to work on spec?
badbanana
When am I supposed to find time to read 92,000 leaked documents? I still haven't made it through the Mel Gibson transcripts.
badbanana
Monday morning staff meetings are the Monday morning staff meetings of my life.
badbanana
Watching "The Shining" for the millionth time. Each time I watch it I pick up a new parenting tip.
badbanana
Showed my kids "Men in Black" tonight. A gentle introduction to Tommy Lee Jones' facial creases.
badbanana
I doubt the NBA ever clones Jordan or Kareem because I just don't see those guys getting stuck in amber.
badbanana
I bet if they had Yelp in 1850, nobody would have taken the Oregon Trail.
badbanana
It's so hot out a Tauntaun just tried to slice me open to climb inside.
badbanana
You know you're doing something right in life when the Terminators show up.
badbanana
I don't need a weather app. The heat rash on the back of my leg tells me it's 400 degrees outside.
badbanana
I may not be a fan of this headache, but I certainly respect its creative choices.
badbanana
Thanks to Bernanke's remark about the economic outlook being "unusually uncertain," the value of my Thunderdome just doubled.
badbanana
Time to fulfill my destiny and eat this bag of Bugles.
badbanana
Can We Really Afford to Hire Another Supreme Court Justice in This Economy? http://huff.to/a7AjfT
badbanana
My latest at Huffington Post Comedy: http://huff.to/a7AjfT
badbanana
Cheers 2060. Rerun Cheers episodes but add sound effects of gunfire and screaming in the streets whenever front door opens.
badbanana
I find these Christmas in July sales events offensive. Should be Holidays in July.
badbanana
I refuse to take a magazine subscription offer seriously until the sixth card falls into my lap.
badbanana
I have failed today, but with such sweet perfection I'll remember this day forever. I laugh at your okay day and dry pants.
badbanana
I think Inception really hit home with me because it's basically a story about sleeping.
badbanana
Loved Inception. It took me to exotic places I could never visit in real life, like the first class cabin of an airplane.
