Stephen Colbert
Host of Colbert Report
Comedy Host
http://twitter.com/StephenAtHome
http://home.colbertnation.com
1454587 followers
706 tweets
StephenAtHome
i prefer my sushi hand-rolled, mostly because i love the taste of hand
StephenAtHome
hey head & shoulders, when are you going to come out with head & shoulders & ankles? i've got a very specific dandruff issue
StephenAtHome
every colbert re-poll is totally scientifish and 100% accuresque
StephenAtHome
after the show, i kicked back and enjoyed a monte crist-rove sandwich
StephenAtHome
i hate that the florida monkey has his own facebook page. but i hate it even more that he won't accept my friend request
StephenAtHome
after the show, my intern jay hit me with a restraining order, but in a non-sexual way
StephenAtHome
my one complaint about the crisis garden, where are the meat and gun seeds?
StephenAtHome
voters will reward democrats who vote against healthcare just like in '94, when they offered them lucrative lobbying jobs
StephenAtHome
my electoral analysis map is also known as the twitching ganglia cluster of the voters' reptile mind
StephenAtHome
eric massa appeared so crazy on his segment with glenn beck, that fox gave him his own show
StephenAtHome
Sometimes I wonder, "what would Jesus tweet?" But you can't say much with 140 characters of Aramaic
StephenAtHome
can't believe annie leonard thinks americans have too much stuff. someone should buy her a ronco stuff organizer
StephenAtHome
americans eat corn all day and drink beer all night. sharks should consider us their kobe beef
StephenAtHome
who needs health insurance? airport security provides FREE full body scans. not even a co-pay!
StephenAtHome
republicans should refer to health care as "needlethon 2010" and start calling hospitals "forced medicine camps"
StephenAtHome
vice president biden visited Israel today. I had no idea the acela had service there
StephenAtHome
i was shocked to find out that sandra bullock's "the blind side" had nothing to do with horrendous traffic accidents
StephenAtHome
Tom Hanks has a new miniseries about World War II. But he didn't make one about World War I so how will anyone be able to follow the plot?
StephenAtHome
President Obama has stopped trying to cooperate with the GOP on healthcare. It's a breakthrough. "Stop trying" was the Republicans best idea
StephenAtHome
so excited about my office oscar pool - not every office has a pool full of dead guys named oscar
StephenAtHome
what's a five-letter word for "trivial 140-character communication?"
StephenAtHome
would run for governor of NY, but I don't think I have the necessary criminal record
StephenAtHome
america is fed up with washington. and that's saying something. it takes a lot to get us full
StephenAtHome
stared into my freezer for an hour this morning. I miss the olympics.
StephenAtHome
starbucks is really blazing a trail with new 31-oz drink. of course, that trail leads straight to the restroom
