Stephen Colbert
Host of Colbert Report
Comedy Host
http://twitter.com/StephenAtHome
http://home.colbertnation.com
1631430 followers
949 tweets
StephenAtHome
need investors! just came up with the most indulgent sandwich shop ever: "rub-a-dub-sub" the only place to eat a hoagie in a bathtub.
StephenAtHome
Continental Airlines is testing self-boarding in Houston. Does this mean I won't be carried through security via 4-man sedan anymore?
StephenAtHome
Turns out you "can" make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. It's just a really bad omelet.
StephenAtHome
I was hoping the guy from Tesla would do an acoustic cover of "Signs". Oh, well.
StephenAtHome
I guess we know now why Basil Marceaux's dad, Marcel, stayed silent.
StephenAtHome
No more tax cuts for the wealthy! Oops - looks like my comma key wasn’t working for a second. I meant: No, more tax cuts for the wealthy!
StephenAtHome
Back in the Boy SEALs I was a ballistics expert. In that the older kids used to throw firecrackers at me.
StephenAtHome
In another dimension is there The Colbdog Report with segments like Tug of My Leash/Wag of My Tail, Who's Not Feeding Me Now, and The Bark?
StephenAtHome
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I say, find a new heart surgeon.
StephenAtHome
More breaking news on Obvi-Leaks: Reports Confirm: Stove Hot.
StephenAtHome
Why doesn't Wikileaks release documents that Americans actually want to see, like Barack Obama's birth certificate?
StephenAtHome
Chatroulette wants to eliminate nudity. The two remaining users will have a great conversation.
StephenAtHome
Tonight's guest brings to mind the old dating axiom: 'Why buy the cow if she's not going to have sex with you for at least a year anyway?'
StephenAtHome
Hephzibah Anderson spent a year without sex? It's hard to imagine, 365 days without anyone passionately yelling out the name "Hephzibah!"
StephenAtHome
Shirley Sherrod should get on twitter. There's no context to be taken out of.
StephenAtHome
I'm back! You can take yourself out of cryogenic hibernation now.
StephenAtHome
If you can't stand the heat, get out of my studio. Speaking of which, I'm out of here for two weeks. See ya!
StephenAtHome
not sure why farm workers are necessary in a world where we've genetically modified corn to pick itself
StephenAtHome
Please do not let the recent Candwich scandal deter you from investing in MY lucrative venture, the Capri Sundwich.
StephenAtHome
I thought we already had a canned sandwich. Or is no one else eating Pringles stacked between two Pringles with extra Pringles?
StephenAtHome
i love photoshop. it's the only way to make sure i look younger than my kids in our christmas photo.
StephenAtHome
happy birthday to bill! i'm sure that applies to someone.
StephenAtHome
what a coincidence! like joey chestnut, my favorite hot dog topping is also another hot dog.
StephenAtHome
note to self: start tivoing "the carell corral."
StephenAtHome
Steve Carell on tonight. He looks great. I think he's had some work done.
