Christian Finnegan
New York based comedian with frequent TV appearances
Comedian, conspirator, cultural barnacle
Stand-up
http://twitter.com/ChristFinnegan
http://www.christianfinnegan.com
5176 followers
1832 tweets
ChristFinnegan
I'm just bored by that dude's continued status as a comedy touchstone. Hell, I'm bored of the chatty douchebags I know in REAL life.
ChristFinnegan
Folks, just because someone like Kanye West joins Twitter, that doesn't mean you HAVE to follow him. You do realize that, right?
ChristFinnegan
His wearing a winter hat on an 85 degree Summer day probably had something to do with it.
ChristFinnegan
There's something about seeing a dejected teenager cradling his recently broken skateboard that fills me with joy.
ChristFinnegan
I've come up with a new sport: Sandwich Ball. It involves eating while sprinting. And catching stuff with bread.
ChristFinnegan
Just to save you all some time: Googling the phrase "John Goodman nip slip" yields zero results. (UNTIL NOW.)
ChristFinnegan
Apple software updates, once so appreciated, now come so often they're a nuisance. Kind of like Prince albums. Or Woody Allen movies.
ChristFinnegan
Listen, I can act as cool as I want. Fact is, at one point in time I spent actual money on a Britny Fox cassette. http://twitpic.com/29cvde
ChristFinnegan
Nothing cements my heterosexuality more than overhearing the bellowed musings of a brassy fag hag.
ChristFinnegan
Am I a good person for sponsoring a Honduran child, or a terrible person for finding his letters trite and uninspired?
ChristFinnegan
This secret military document scandal is really bumming me out. Mostly because "Wiki Leaks" is my hip-hop moniker.
ChristFinnegan
SPOILER ALERT: On the season premiere of Mad Men, Don Draper quits advertising for interpretive dance. Also, Peggy kills a cop.
ChristFinnegan
Lost my iPhone yesterday. How did we deal with social awkwardness before we had smart phones to bury our faces in?
ChristFinnegan
Had a nightmare that I got up in the wee hours to run a half-marathon with @kambri and @bobpowers1 . (shudder) http://twitpic.com/289eec
ChristFinnegan
Guess Who Came to Dinner: Uppity black man crashes dinner party. Bums people out, eats their food. #IfAndrewBreitbartEditedIt
ChristFinnegan
Guys, I've got two tickets to paradise. $60 or best offer.
ChristFinnegan
I like watching people walk with their elbows up, trying to air out their pits. Makes me feel like I'm in a series of Old West duels
ChristFinnegan
Packed crosstown bus. Urge to urinate? Nearly unbearable. This kind of drama is about as close as my life gets to an episode of "24".
ChristFinnegan
I pick up our new (used) car tomorrow. And thus begins the era of "Making Up Reasons to Drive Places in Order to Justify the Expenditure".
ChristFinnegan
All these years later, I wonder what's become of my old D&D characters. Poor Venthius, wandering listlessly around White Plume Mountain...
ChristFinnegan
And calling that one lady "Princess Di"? Also pretty funny.
ChristFinnegan
Hey, guy yelling at early Yankees game departeees: I wanted to hate you, but "BEAT THE TRAFFIC" is a pretty funny chant to start.
ChristFinnegan
It's crazy--every time I go to a Yankee game, there just so happens to be a lunkhead convention taking place in my section.
ChristFinnegan
Daytime TV perpetuates the cruelest of hoaxes: that an elderly man is one motorized scooter away from his grandkids wanting to hang out.
ChristFinnegan
Yo Chris Hanson, you can't go back to light human interest segments. Anyone you interview now is automatically a pedophile in my mind.
