Funny people on Twitter - Comedians, Humor Writers, Stand-ups, and more

sockington zzz WHU WOAH and where exactly am I OH WOW TOP OF TELEVISION man I can sleep anywhere OBVIOUSLY EARNED MY GOLD MEDAL FROM '08 SNOOZELYMPICS

by A cat named Sockington, Foremost cat personality on Twitter, Fake Tweeter

P0TUS RT @jane_bot : Anything you say during a meeting is funny when you're wearing an oreo as a monocle.

by Barracks O'Bama, fake account for Barack Obama, Fake Tweeter

azizansari News Anchor Unable to Speak After Christina Hendricks Mentions Bathing -- Vulture - Wow. Definitely worth... http://tumblr.com/xkqeicqts

by Aziz Ansari, Member of Human Giant and plays "Tom Haverford" on Parks and Recreation, Stand-up

robhuebel I am eating lunch with a priest. He said he gets lots of free stuff.

by Rob Huebel, Part of the sketch team Human Giant., Comedy Writer

P0TUS RT @stevehuff : Just when I thought my list of stuff I don't give a shit about couldn't get any longer: Ellen won't be on Idol next season!

by Barracks O'Bama, fake account for Barack Obama, Fake Tweeter

PhillyD OMG WHAT?!?! HOW DID I NOT KNOW IPHONES HAD CAPSLOCK?!?! ANYWAYS BACK TO EATING SHRIMP AND WATCHING MAD MEN.

by Phillip Defranco, Youtube comedian with over 475,000 subscribers, Web Comedian

baratunde Ordering up a round of #WhiskeyThurston drinks for visitors. Check in @DeliNYC to get it #MayorThurston

by Baratunde Thurston, web editor for The Onion, Comedy Writer

rainnwilson They should make a 'baby' Baby Bjorne for babies to carry other babies.

by Rainn Wilson, Actor, plays Dwight on The Office, Performer

PhillyD I feel like @kanyewest can't fully express himself on twitter. Not bc it has to be less than 140 characters but bc iPhones have no CAPS LOCK

by Phillip Defranco, Youtube comedian with over 475,000 subscribers, Web Comedian

P0TUS Screech Palin, no one gives a damn what U "think" about Obama on The View. STFU.

by Barracks O'Bama, fake account for Barack Obama, Fake Tweeter

ChristFinnegan I'm just bored by that dude's continued status as a comedy touchstone. Hell, I'm bored of the chatty douchebags I know in REAL life.

by Christian Finnegan, New York based comedian with frequent TV appearances, Stand-up

stephenkruiser Let's hope makeup is magic tonight. #iamtapped #redeye

by Stephen Kruiser, Conservative LA-based comedian, Stand-up

toddbarry True, but I'm still opening that typewriter repair shop. RT @kanyewest most businesses don't make it out of their first year

by Todd Barry, Veteran comic, Stand-up

stephenfry Wow. What a city this is. http://twitpic.com/29umpg

by Stephen Fry, Popular British writer and actor, Performer

TheOnion [audio] Gatorade Pledges $200 Million In Thirst Aid To Underquenched Nations http://onion.com/avwq4U

by The Onion, America's Finest News Source

toddbarry Is banks the name of your agent? RT @kanyewest banks take 10 precent and kill you

by Todd Barry, Veteran comic, Stand-up

funnyordie An intern showed up wearing this shirt. We all had a good laugh then we made his high ass take a drug test. http://twitpic.com/29um2e

by Funny or Die, web portal for comedy videos

ChristFinnegan Folks, just because someone like Kanye West joins Twitter, that doesn't mean you HAVE to follow him. You do realize that, right?

by Christian Finnegan, New York based comedian with frequent TV appearances, Stand-up

P0TUS RT @jawaj52 : Look, @SarahPalinUSA made up a new word. "Lotso'". Isn't that special. (Church Lady) <> Screech is Lotso stupid.

by Barracks O'Bama, fake account for Barack Obama, Fake Tweeter

P0TUS #Comcast service messed up again. Fortunately for them, they don't give a shit. #ComcastSucks.

by Barracks O'Bama, fake account for Barack Obama, Fake Tweeter

toddbarry I'm not sure if my last tweet even made sense! I'll go in the shower and think about it!

by Todd Barry, Veteran comic, Stand-up

toddbarry Is that why u don't follow any1? RT @kanyewest one of the keys to leadership is doing what YOU believe is right . for those who follow you

by Todd Barry, Veteran comic, Stand-up

mrdavehill Just in case anyone is wondering- I have been to a lot of bases that are out there today.

by Dave Hill, New York-based writer and comedian, Stand-up

danecook Just learned jump the shark did just that & is now nuked the fridge.

by Dane Cook, mainstream comic with slew of specials, CDs and movies, Stand-up

erockappel The hallway outside my office is pretty fucking star studded today. Isn't that right SALMA HAYEK!?

by Eric Appel, Director/writer for Funny or Die, Comedy Writer

SaraJBenincasa I uploaded a YouTube video -- If Peggy from MAD MEN Vlogged 2 http://youtu.be/3RDr8v3I_rI?a

by Sara Benincasa, comedienne whose Palin vlogs were an internet hit, Web Comedian

JohnHeffron Ok wed show was beyond awesome lets start this week tonight-Saturday #austin Cap city comedy club http://bit.ly/Y0NC

by John Heffron, Stand-up who won season 2 of Last Comic Standing, Stand-up

P0TUS RT @politeracy : @P0TUS It was the acceptable levels of insect parts and rodent droppings... <> Toughens one up, eh?

by Barracks O'Bama, fake account for Barack Obama, Fake Tweeter

mrdavehill Guess who has to top up again already! My life is total bullshit!

by Dave Hill, New York-based writer and comedian, Stand-up

ThatKevinSmith NYC & the great state of NEW JERSEY! On MONDAY, I turn 40! Please come watch it happen: http://tinyurl.com/ItWas40YearsAgoToday #TapedForTV

by Kevin Smith, Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks, Comedy Writer

stephenfry Now this is sailing - http://twitpic.com/29uatg

by Stephen Fry, Popular British writer and actor, Performer

nerdist Wow! @matthewebone wrote a wonderful piece on the 10 best album covers: http://afx.cc/coverart what're your faves? #discuss

by Chris Hardwick, Currently hosts Web Soup on G4TV, Performer

ThatKevinSmith Via @Judasfry "prefer home episodes...the intimacy seems to allow for a less guarded laughs/stories" To me, it's Strawberry or Grape jelly.

by Kevin Smith, Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks, Comedy Writer

funnyordie Seth & @ChrisGethard are enjoying a lovely afternoon at the FOD office. http://twitpic.com/29u8pg

by Funny or Die, web portal for comedy videos

joeschmitt Project Runway is 90 minutes this season. Let's hope it's NOT 30 more minutes of Heidi Klum reading the rules.

by Joe Schmitt, Shorty Awards Runner-up for humor, Web Comedian

ThatKevinSmith HOUSTON! You have no problems - 'cause #LIVEnudeSMOD has splashed down! @SMosier , @BryAndWalt & I take over your Alamonian House of Drafts!

by Kevin Smith, Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks, Comedy Writer

joeschmitt The World's Largest Collection of Female Masturbation Synonyms - @northpacific sent me this list when I asked... http://tumblr.com/xa4ei6plq

by Joe Schmitt, Shorty Awards Runner-up for humor, Web Comedian

ThatKevinSmith Via @mrBgone1155 "Home is very intimate & well paced. Live is more of a direct shot." At home, we're only trying to make EACH OTHER laugh.

by Kevin Smith, Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks, Comedy Writer

ThatKevinSmith Via @Billy3152 "I am 40 & beginning to love comics because of you guys" So... you're NOT outraged by this whole BatScat scandal? #NewReaders

by Kevin Smith, Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks, Comedy Writer

ThatKevinSmith Via @Badbadkitty75 "Whats w/all the Batman peeing" Number one: don't be pissed, or you're in spills. Tempest in a peepot that needs a flush.

by Kevin Smith, Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks, Comedy Writer

stephenkruiser I'm going to go rest up for the #RedEye taping. Paying attn for 1/2 an hour EXHAUSTS me. Ppl who know me know that's true. #adhdisfun

by Stephen Kruiser, Conservative LA-based comedian, Stand-up

ThatKevinSmith Via @Langthecat "Gyre 6 was cold. murderous smoothie, Satan's Margarita, Dick Cheney's heart, but good." That the book where Batman pees?

by Kevin Smith, Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks, Comedy Writer

toddbarry I got a 13 foot laptop. Can't wait! RT @kanyewest Hold on... lemme see if I can get a picture of how big this screen is

by Todd Barry, Veteran comic, Stand-up

azizansari Watch Parks and Rec tonight at 930 on NBC! One of my favorite episodes. "Sweetums" written by @alanmyang .

by Aziz Ansari, Member of Human Giant and plays "Tom Haverford" on Parks and Recreation, Stand-up

mileskahn And here I just thought it raped my eyeballs (@swish : THE "LAGUNA BEACH" RAPE EFFECT http://bit.ly/cRWgTS)

by Miles Kahn, Currently a producer for The Daily Show, Comedy Writer

ThatKevinSmith Via @sonic43 "Did you decide if RedState was shooting digital or film" Last I heard from @ThatDavidKlein , RED will be shot on a @RedCamera .

by Kevin Smith, Writer/Director of many comedies including Clerks, Comedy Writer

mileskahn Honestly, that is one of the worst ideas ever. Flattering, but awful. @chainmailchuck :Give the seat in the WH press room to the Daily Show!

by Miles Kahn, Currently a producer for The Daily Show, Comedy Writer

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